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June 1st, 2009

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May 28th, 2009

11:52 pm that's all for today.

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April 13th, 2009

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March 18th, 2009

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February 24th, 2009

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February 23rd, 2009

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February 4th, 2009

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January 12th, 2009

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January 9th, 2009

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January 8th, 2009

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December 29th, 2008

02:30 am boys fucking suck. remember that girlfriend he has? well i hate her. no, i don't actually know her. yes, i know that i'm ridiculous. shut it. - all of her facebook profile pictures to date have been over-edited and do not show face. - they have been dating for under four days (according to facebook) and she leaves him comments such as: "miss youuu :( .. love youuuuu <3333" - according to facebook, they first started talking under a month ago, where her first comment was: "Hey thanks for the add. :) but do i know youu ?" you've known each other for less than a month, how could you possibly be in love already? - her friends leave comments on his page saying shit like: "haa, if you two get married then we'll be related :)" that's so awkward... - her current profile picture is one of the two of them kissing, in sepia tones, taken from a myspace angle, with "iloveyou" in some "trendy" font in the bottom right corner. WHO FUCKING DOES THAT!? DOUCHEBAGS, I TELL YOU! THAT IS WHO!! - she's in grade ten. this means i am automatically a better candidate than her. GODDAMNIT WHY. Current Mood: jealous Current Music: don't stop believing - journey

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December 26th, 2008

12:47 am i think they do it on purpose. i think there's a newsletter that boys send to one another, going something like this: "HEY YOU, stephanie is finally working up the balls to tell you she likes you! go find a girl that makes her feel like she was never good enough for you in the first place, and date her. come on, it'll give us all a good laugh." why else would it happen every fucking time? i think i'm going to join a nunnery. Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: across the universe - the beatles

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November 11th, 2008

10:37 pm i like how things have been working out for me lately. i've been given a lot more freedom, and i've been getting things on track more. i go to parties basically every weekend, i work at a job which i enjoy, i'm doing fairly well in school, and i have excellent friends. my dad has been waaaaay more lenient than he ever has been, he has basically given up on being really involved in my schooling. he actually said "the days of me punishing you based on your grades are long gone, the punishment of potentially not getting into the schools you want to will be enough." i love life. Current Mood: content Current Music: stay the same - goot

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October 23rd, 2008

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October 21st, 2008

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October 15th, 2008

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October 11th, 2008

09:23 pm woo, story time! kodi's parents are in mexico, so she obviously had a party on friday night. i went with merry, when we got there hailey, taylor, alyssa, beth, and jimmy were already there. ed had been there, but left before i got there to pick up the alcohol. eventually ed came back with the alcohol and connor, peter, keith, and a few guys i don't know. so anyways, the night progressed from there and muchos vodka was consumed by all. especially ed. ed was in fact so smashed, that he decided to buy a joint and smoke it by himself. well, that simply would not do, so i suggested that he share it with me. ed decided it was a good idea. so we went on an adventure. we went through a park to some train tracks, sat on the tracks, and lit up. so we're smoking, and it's really cold out, so we're all huddled close together and such. when there isn't any weed left, ed pockets the roach and we stay sitting there talking. it was still cold so we ended up cuddling and talking, and all i remember specifically was me saying "we could die here," and ed saying "good," and then kissing me. i guess we started making out, but i didn't fully realize what was happening until we had already been making out for a little. i don't even remember how we ended up on the floor. so me and ed are going at it, when hailey calls my cellphone. ohhdang. so she asks where i am and who i'm with, cause she's like my mother like that, and requests that i get my ass back there. so we hang up and i inform ed of this message. he then asks me "well do you want to go back? wouldn't you rather stay here?" and i just... didn't know what to say. but we did end up going back, after sitting on the tracks again. so we get back and ed realizes that his cell phone was on the tracks still. so we go back and get it, ed goes home and i go to kodi's. ( there were pictures taken that night ) man, what the fuck. Current Mood: embarrassed Current Music: matters of blood and connection - dashboard confessional

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October 6th, 2008

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12:28 am - it's happening again. music seems to have been written for me. We're not the same, dear, as we used to be The seasons have changed and so have we There was little we could say and even less that we could do To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you We buried our love in the wintry grave A lump in the snow was all that remained But we stayed by its side, as the days turned to weeks And the ice kept getting thinner with every word that we'd speak When the spring arrived, we were taken by surprise When the flows under our feet bled into the sea And nothing was left for you and me We're not the same dear and it seems to me There's nowhere we can go with nothing underneath Then it saddens me to say what we both knew was true That the ice was getting thinner under me and you The ice was getting thinner under me and you i love death cab, so much. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: the ice is getting thinner - death cab for cutie

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September 28th, 2008

03:39 pm back in the day, aka when i was dating steve, i would write him these letters whenever i fucked up. i have one from when he said "i love you" and i couldn't say it back, one from taylor's birthday dinner when i kinda ignored him all night, and one from "the night". it's the last one that makes me weep when i read it. "you deserve someone as sweet and funny and intelligent and caring as you, someone who won't ever take you for granted, who isn't terrified of sexuality, someone who is comfortable in her own body; someone that will love you like i love you, but who deserves to be loved back. i'm a lover not a fighter, but i love you too much to let you go without a fight." i should have put up a fight. why didn't i? why the fuck did i let the best thing that has ever happened to me leave? i don't deserve him. fuck, the thought of him being with any other person makes me feel physically sick. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: me vs maradona vs elvis - brand new

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